I feel like “don’t be responsible kids because then people give you responsibilities and responsibilities suck” seems like really solid advice from an over exhausted me right now but then I remember that 90% of my exhaustion has to do with my diabetes and my most complicated advocacy issues at work are what really make me feel fulfilled and its the little administration things that make life icky and complicated and unfulfilled. Just currently dying.
"Come to Cloudland with me and my friend if you aren’t busy this weekend."
Me: “No sorry, I’m already all booked up”
My brain: “I’d rather smash glass into my own eye than go to Cloudland and have my personal space violated by those creepy-pandas. If I wasn’t painting my house and organising my own party I might consider doing the glass thing over that, but thank you for your kind and awkward offer guy who paid for my dinner once when I was in the bathroom in the hopes that that would suddenly turn it into a date even though I gave upfront, clear instructions that it wasn’t before I went and that I would pay for my own meal before I went to the bathroom and who I made a point of not seeing since then. How kind of you to ask.”
Rejecting people is super hard. I think I’ve accidentally gone on way too many unintentional dates in the last week and it’s getting weird. I think I’ll end up getting distracted and accidentally falling into a relationship I don’t want if I’m not super careful.
I was talking about things I like today and the guy I was eating with’s eyes actually started to well up with tears and he said “are you real?” and I was just like “>.< No. You’ve been listening to a doorknob this whole time. You really need to get that checked.” But it was a bit…sweet but awkward and yes, this was supposed to be less real. Don’t let shit get real.
I’m just. Yes.